the pain of NOT being loved
by sunshine-lollipop
Summary: ginny weasley lacks motivation-motivation to live. she makes a mistake that leads to her being in hospital-can harry help his beloveded out of her funk? RATING FOR EMO-THEMES AND MASYBE SOMETHING ELSE.
1. Chapter 1

THE PAIN OF NOT BEING LOVED

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

On the _**outside **_I am _**smiling**_

On the_**inside **_I am _**crying**_

There is_**nothing **_to _**live for**_

I am_**slowly dying**_

She sighed. No-one understood her, they pretended to but in the long-shot…no. She had no-one; she was abandoned and left alone, unwanted and unloved.

Her dorm mates had hated her ever since first year, scared she would petrify them like she had the others-they didn't realize it wasn't her fault, she was possessed by the main source of all her pain.

Her brothers where way to overprotective, they wouldn't let her be happy, they drove away her only chance at happiness for 5 years!

Her parents cooed over her brothers, sure they still acknowledged her-but she was the least favorite-she was the girl in a long procession of boys-she was over looked.

And harry…oh her harry…the only person whom she had ever loved-she was sure he loved her back. But NO! He pushed her away for the sake of the wizarding world, and when she tried to help, he pushed harder.

Ginny was sick of it-sick of the pain, the teasing, the hurt, the emptiness that constantly threatened to swallow her whole! She had had enough of life itself- for her their was no longer motivation to get out of bed in the morning. But she did, today, yesterday and forever backwards she struggled to smile and say "fine" when asked what was wrong. She knew harry could see through her disguise- but did she care…no…because she knew he wouldn't say anything- he felt guilt, as though he were the reason, and yes he may be part of it. But the blame rests mainly on 1 thing. Voldemort. The pain he cauused shocked her to the bone. What he had done in first year had made her feel useless.

She breathed in again, sitting on the edge of the bath at "the burrow". She closed her eyes as a single tear slipped down her face. She grasped the metal blade from the cupboard, tears now falling freely, she didn't see the point in surviving anymore…what good was it? To get hurt by the people who are supposed to love you? She yanked up her white skirt and grasped the blade tighter.

Ginny brought the blade to meet her leg and felt an unusual feeling wash over her, it wasn't pain but it wasn't enjoyment. However ginny liked this knew feeling-it felt like she was getting rid of the pain. She continued making sharp incisions until her legs were glistening with her spilt blood. She admired her work. 16 incisions. 16 for all the years she had been alive- all the time she now wished she hadn't. She grabbed the white towel from the rack and cleaned her wounds-they were deep. Blood was all over the bathroom. She groaned-if it stained people would know. She mopped up the blood on the bathroom and her leg. The towel was drenched. She washed it under the tap and buried it in the laundry pile as inconspicuously as possible. Se pulled her white knee length skirt down and she was extremely grateful it covered her scars.

She walked out into the hallway and was just about to go down the stairs when she ran into someone. They grabbed her quickly as she fell backwards towards the stairs. She opened her eyes, harry was right above her.

"Oh...i...Um…harry" she stumbled and he smiled and set her right. She flattened down her skirt determined to hide her scarring, He looked suspiciously at her legs. His gaze rose to her face and he looked worried. Of course he did. Ginny looked horrible-that's as nice as it can be said. She hadn't been eating, she hadn't been sleeping and she only wore black. Harry knew he'd get no-where but he tried anyway "ginny are you alright?" he asked tentivly. Im FINE! Why wont anyone listen to me!!!!" she cried before storming down the stairs. She slipped.


	2. understanding,, interfering

Chapter 2:

**A Locked Door,  
A rusty razor,  
a towel stained with red  
a folded note on the floor  
a broken mirror,  
a young girl lays there dead  
Their em otions in a tangle  
The room begins to swirl  
She was Mommy's Perfect Angel  
And Daddy's Little Girl...**

I groaned...my head was spinning, my legs and back ached teribbly and I was 99% sure I was still alive...shame.

welcome back" a kind voice, filled with pain and anger said. Harry..shit...

"hi..." I said opening my eyes..i was in harrys room..sirius old room before..he..well.... least he hadnt told anyone, about my..incident...i hope.

soo..you fell down the stairs..your back will be sore for a while..but that doesnt account for the 16 scars on your look fresh." he said the anger more prominent..but then suddenly his eyes softened. Oh great, I try to kill myself and hes going to be compassionate! "ginny...whats going on?.he asked "why do you even care!you left me remember..to go save the fucking world! So why dont you leave me the hell alone, you obviously don't care, or else you would have listened to mewhen I said I want to help...why dont you stop pretending so I can move on with my life, and wait for my death." I shouted..so I was a tad bitter....i lowered my voice, in case anyone had heard me. 'im not your responsibility any more Harry..and im certainly no longer the perfect little angel I once was...ive changed..and i'm going!" I said.i pushed myself up, ignoring the pain I limped out the door and through the hall walking through my bedroom door and slamming it angrily behind me. I lay softly on my bed and picked up my book. a very old; very battered copy of _wuthering heights_ a muggle book I had had forever... I opened it to my favourite page, and read my favourite quote for what semmed like the thousandth time; _"You have left me so long to struggle against death, alone, that I feel and see only death! I feel like death!"_ -Chapter 30, pg. 268-269 ..how ironic. I laughed bitterly and tossed the book at the wall..tears falling fast down my face. I rolled to my side and shut my eyes..hoping never to open them again. Unfortunatly I did. I opened my eyes and breathed in deeply..mmm dinner..i hadn't ate for about three days, sufficent to say, I was near starving, however when I tried to get up i couldnt. The smell of my mothers famous sunday roast wafted up the stairs but I remiained imobile.i looked down, everything was fine, I wasnt tied to any where...it must be the after affects of the slip. I sighed and closed my eyes...i doubted anyone would remember me, i'd spent three days not eating and I wasnt realised that...one person had, but id told him, in no uncertain terms, to fuck off and leave me the hell alone just before, so I doubt he'd care very much.i heard the clattering of cutlery on plates and my brothers content laugher drifting up the stairs. In an attempt to halt my hunger I stuffed the pillow over my face. I heard my door open, but couldnt be bothered to remove the pillow, I'd be temted again, and my door probably just came open off its own accord. I was proved wrong when someone snatched my comforting pillow away. "gosh, I leave you for 3 hours and you try and kill yourslef again!" a voice said, teasingly..great harry came back for more..damn boy doesnt realise the meaning of PMS does he? I grunted in response and he chuck;ed "why arn't you downstairs eating" the prat asked timidly..i sighed and said "becuase after that bloody fall ive been left slightly paralised...happy?" I asked sarcastically..the prat looked worried. "im fine..don't worry about it!" I said in annoyance. He shrugged and them smiled."i have something for you" he said as he pulled out a tray from behind his back. On the tray was buttered bread, a plate of dinner and an orange juice. "how did you..?" I asked curiously as I began to wolf down my dinner. "well, I told molly that you where sick and that id take you up dinner,..not wanting to get sick herself, she let me come,. Bon apetite.." he said. I smiled and said 'thankyou' for the first time in a while. His smile grew in response and he left the room. "harry.."isaid when he got to the door.."it really is non of your buisness...its my life and my body and illdo with it what I want..your concern is not needed..but! If you hadnt bothered to check on me, I would be here hunrgy and angry..now im neither so thanks..now clear off before the anger comes back" I coners of my mouth twitching upwards.


End file.
